Or

Is it better to know? Or better to not know? Better to be able to feel? To feel pain, hurt, sorrow... Or better not to feel? Not the happiness, not bliss, not love...Is it better to believe? To hope that one day it will be the way we wish. Or better to give up? To never think about the sadness of it all. Is it better to remember? Every vision, sound, may it be good or bad. Or is it better to forget? Never anymore painful memories, or sweet joyfulness. How would i every choose?

Or can i even choose?

And if i can and had... Would i ever regret?

Questions that i can never have an answer will always plague me... Forever destined to live in between knowing and not knowing.

Why me?

Many times, we always ask the question, Why me?

Have you realise that this question only pops up when you're in trouble? Or something bad has happened.
Whatever happened to the good things? Do we ask Why me?

We normally see all the bad things that has happened to us. When we're in trouble, we realise how terrible we're feeling, how miserable we are. But when we're happy, we never realise how lucky we are, how wonderful life can be. This may boil down the fact that well.. humans are selfish. We only see ourselves. This is how we are. However, don't blame yourself. It may not be a bad thing that you are selfish (to a certain extent). Selfishness may drive you, to do the things you really want. Selfishness may help in prioritising.

I like to belief that whatever happens is due to mixture of many things. Fate, destiny, hardwork, random events, chance, my actions. They all play a part. If i haven't done this post, you'll not read it. But if i have not get this inspiration (if it can even be called an inspiration to blabber), i would not have written this post and thus you not seen it. And you seeing it is another part of the story. Your fate, your chance your action. Isn't this world miraculous in itself already?

So why me to write this? I dunno.. I will never know. Interesting the way the world works. Why me to be lucky? Why me to sad? Why me to feel lonely? Why me to feel blessed? Contradictory feelings all at once. Constantly changing feelings, constantly changing world. Why me to see it all? Why me to feel it all? Why me?

Sacrifices and Regrets

Know how i always complain I'm bored? I think the biggest reason is because there is something more interesting out there that i can see and yet cannot do. I know what i want sometimes. But it seems like i can't have it, so i give up the idea. Yet nothing else can replace that thought. Also, sometimes i know i can do it. Just not now. Partially it's guilt i guess. I know i have to do soemthing else instead which suppose to have a higher priority. So for the mean time i'm bored. It's kind of silly, since i end up not doing much of what i should be anyway.

How many things in life can i do? I really don't know. Carpe diem. It's quite true actually. Sometimes we just hesitate too long. That's not our fault though. I mean.. we have reservations. Not that these reservations are bad. Some may be good for us. But every choice comes with a sacrifice. Just how much are we willing to sacrifice? We normally don't know til we did it, or it's too late. How many times do we regret. Those who say they never regret are in denial. We all regret. Just whether we wish to forget it, let it go, and embrace our choice. That in itself it's a sacrifice. You may have let go your dream, even if it's once upon a time.

For now, i guess i'm sacrificing the things i can do. (Painfully going through the result of it. Boredom.) I just hope that the end is worth it. Regret? Something will be worth regretting about. I just hope the one that i regret is not doing something that has resulted in a distrous ending.

Boredom my nemesis

How bored can i get?? I wonder. I'm always bored and i'm sick of being bored! But what can i do. I can never find the CURE to boredom. And i wonder how others are so un-bored. I'm not sure if they're are entertained, or they are occupied, or they really lead such interesting lives. But then again.. what is an interesting life? I don't know. Maybe that's why i'm so bored. Maybe an interesting life is one without routines. Then it'll be quite frightening. Maybe it's one that you have surprises. I suppose that quite scary too... Hmmm... Boredom should be the named the worst disease ever and we should all be vaccinated. Ok.. maybe just me. I dunno why i'm so bored either. It's not like i have nothing to do, but everything i do just seem so boring. No.. not i do, but have to do. Maybe it's the HAVE TO part. Yea.. i'm quite sure. But when i have nothing to do... i'm bored too cuz i can't find anything to do. Anything that is not boring anyway. Maybe i should find a new hobby. Maybe like collect online stamps maybe. Anything too serious will take too much money and time. And i wouldn't have time when i need it then.
Boring boring boring... stamps sound booooring tooooooooo...
I'm destined to be BORED.

Hiding away

Everyone faces disappointment. Yet everyone reacts differently. Some of us get anygry, some of us cry, some of us complain, some of us just hide. Actually, the worse kind is to hide, yet that is also the most often way we react (maybe just me). But why do we hide.. Is is pride? Is it because i don't want people to know i'm disappointed, or even that i had hopes before that. Sometimes i'm amazed at the way we all can hide. You know, sometimes you don"t know you're that strong, but when something happens you are able to cope, maybe crying bitterly inside, but you are ever so happy outside. This is not a very good thing, but it just shows how strong we can get.

Actually i hide a lot of things. Almost everything. Nobody knows much. Except me. But sometimes i confuse myself too. Ling to yourself so much isn't that good. Is it good that nobody knows much? Am i losing myself? I believe not.. although i don't show much, those that i show not necessarily mean it's not me. It's still me, just not so much of me. Normally, it's the touchy side that gets lost. Maybe one day, i'll be strong enough to show everything. Or even just a little more. But for now, i'm still timid. They say time is the best healer. But is time the best hiding space?

Thoughts...

Humans are so complicated. You wonder if this is good or bad. I mean, there's so many different kinds of people, and yet it's not so easy to categorise them. We are all different. No matter how similar. Even you evil twin.

What makes you actually? Character, looks, attitude. But then again, every different thought you make, is also part of you. We have so many thoughts, good ones bad ones, those that doesn't make sense, and just those that float around. What i'm writing (or typing) is a thought.

(Mental Block)

Doing to Stop

A friend said this to me not too long ago, "You're studying because you wanna stop".

It's quite true, isn't it? Not just in the sense of just studying but let's start from there. Well... i think everyone who's studying are doing this. (Ok.. there's always exceptions.) But we study hard so we can finish the exam quick and pass so we can move on. If not we'll always be stuck. Doing something we don't exactly like. And then there are others things that we do the same to. Things that we don't really like to do, but have to do. Hmmm... is there a similarity to life? Of course we sometimes do enjoy life. But we go through life, knowing it's going to end. We still try our best though... Although the truth still stay. Can i say that we live life because we want to stop? I think it's the other way. When Pandora's box was opened, all the bad things escaped, except hope. That is one of the stongest quality man has against anything. Even death. We live through life hoping that we gain something from it, hoping that the ending isn't going to be the way we know it to be. We wish and hope that the ending would change to something we want. Something along the lines of eternal happiness.

But life is like one big thriller story, with a very bad ending. With all it's twists and turns, the only thing that we always predict right... is the death at the end.

The Cows at the End of One Road

I seem to be confused very often. Here again, I'm being led to a cross road again. This time, one looks tougher than the other, but i can't see the end. So i can't predict which really is better. Whether the easier road leads to a empty pasture full of nothing, and the tougher one is a pasture where there are flowers and cows. (And hopefully a price charming on a white horse.)

How do i choose? i dunno. Before i was given a choice, i wanted very badly to see the cows. But then i got myself into the mindset that no cows is not such a bug problem. This was my self defence. To prevent myself from disappointment. Then, came the choice. Now what? I really don't know. I still want to see the cows, but i don't know how much i can sacrifice for cows. And i'm tired.

Imagine this, there are 2 roads (which i'm suppose to choose), but either road, i have to walk with flippers. (I know it looks idiotic.) See, either way it's not going to be very easy. But the flippers would be even harder on the tough road. When i reach the end, with the cows, not that i can throw my flippers away, but.... there's cows.

At the end, there will be a convergence of the roads after i'm done with the cows, left with a memory. Or, not seen the cows, and not have a memory and maybe know what i have lost. The convergence of the roads would bring more hope, less tireness, but not any less responsibilty.

Tell me... What should i choose?

The Valentine Post

It's the time of the year again where people celebrate love. At this particular time, everyone becomes very loving. For a moment, you believe you are loved and the world is beautiful. Love is in the air. You see it, you hear it, you breathe it. Ah.. the world is beautiful.

Are you lying to yourself?

It is a difficult question to answer. People without a partner tells you, yes darling, you are lying through your teeth. Or your brain. For one day, you are so beautiful, i say i love you. The next day, i still say i love you. But you don't take notice. Why? It's no longer a special day.

The people now are such a sucker for branding. For that 'SPECIAL' thing. As long as it is special, people are crowding to do it. Like people who propose on valentine. Romantic? Just because the date on the calendar says 14 February. Ya.. people do say i love you everyday. It's romantic everyday. Then why the publicity for the day? It's just plain consumerism.

On the other hand, it is nice to have a day where you celebrate the wonderful relationships tha tyou have. Celebrate the people who loves you. Celebrate the people you love. Because, that's what life is about. Not you. But what is around you. Without those around you, there is no you. So say i love you.

It's a special day everyday, because you are special. Celebrate love everyday, because you are loved and you love.

I'M SPECIAL!

Something's coming my way?

I dunno what i wanna say. But i just wanna use my blog and talk crap. Beesides that i have nothing better to do. Sometimes i wonder how come everyone has so many things to say on their blog. Especially people who blog everyday.
Is their lives so much more interesting than mine? Or do they have a lot of complains? Or do they just have lots to tell everyone.

What makes an interesting blog? Nowadays, people read more blog than they ever books. Tell me! What so great about blogs? SO much better than books that others write too?Is it that people who go through the publishing line lost something exciting?
Nonsense!!

But well, i'm not against blog. I mean sometimes there are interesting stuff. I just can't help but wonder why are they more interesting than mine? Or ust why do they lead such exciting lives. My life is just mudane. But not too difficult. So i guess it still not so bad. I rather be boring than be afraid everyday, or scared everyday. Life should be blissful and filled with fun. But sometimes, a little excitement, scare, fear, challenge is there to make every life more exciting.

Actually, i think nothing kills more than anticipation. When we're are waiting for something to happen, the wait can just kill. You wonder when it will happen, when something will spring, when something will come your way. Or even better when will good luck just come knocking on your door. Every one needs that luck. I just hope i hear the knocks (of luck) really soon. AND hope it lasts. At least for everything that is important to me.

Again... Hope is so powerful. Hope is just anticipation for something better...

Woo hoo! Finally it works. I was thinking if it is not going to work i am just going to switch company! But well, it saved themselves. So... Look out world! I'm at it again!

The new blogger doesn't work. i can't make it show. If this shows... GREAT.If it doesn't.. it doesn't.

Haha.. trying out the new blogger now. Pardon if anything looks funny...