Closure

Time to close the old chapter and move on.
No more going back.
Move on and hope things turn the better.
Need to take everything off my shoulders.
Maybe now i can be happy, or at least relaxed and light.

Beauty

Everything can so beautiful, if we take the time and heart to look at it, and know it for itself. Things do not have to be ugly just because they have not been beautified by man, not acknowledged by man.

Slow down. Look up in to the sky. Look into everything you see. Breathe the air. Feel the wind.

Love everything you have. Enjoy.

Heart

The heart is weird. It can be so strong yet it can be so weak. Sometimes infront of others, it can be so strong it allows you to be someone else. Someone so much stronger, so full of courage.

Yet inside, the heart is crumbling. In that way.. it's so weak. Cuz everything can affect it. Even things you don't think ever will. But it does. And there's nothing you can do.

But why? Why does it happen?

Magic

I need a little magic
Just a little to opens my eyes
Just that spark

Protect

For once i thought i was going to admit.
Admit something i protected so much.
But again, it retreated.

Sleep

We all act differently at different times in all sorts of different occasions. But i like to believe, that when one goes to sleep, that's the purest and most innocent moment.

This is the time where we cannot control what we think (dreams that is), we cannot hide our desires, we cannot hide our fears. We become who we really are. Even if we're not all that good, this is the time where our emotions are stripped bare, and everything is returned to the most basic form, one that we're born with. This is the time where people are the most beautiful.

Of course... sometimes even when we sleep, our troubles haunt us, our worries blankets us. But even then it's beautiful. Maybe because we look helpless, not able to cause anymore harm. Or maybe just because we are who we are. There is no longer a need to hide, to cover, to change.

So why can't we always retain this form? Why does the world forces you to constantly morph? Why do we not always see this innocence as good? Why do we always have to complicate matters?

Thanks

"more often than not, what we do is a true reflection of what we really want to do, and we just think otherwise. be honest to yourself, good lady.

and nobody said size is a factor to an object's significance.

had, and lost them."

To whoever who left this. Thank you. I truly mean it.

Thinking, Hunger. Waiting.

Sometimes i really wonder... What should i think? Is there a right way of thinking? I'm really confused sometimes, like what am i to do? Sometimes it feels wrong to think a certain way, but yet that's the way it is, that's the sad truth. Sometimes we try to be optimistic, but that doesn't really work out either. Sometimes we dream, but that's also wrong.

Sometimes there's this hunger chewing up inside you. What kind of hunger? There is no answer. It's just gets worse and worse. Maybe til there's is nothing left. Or is it not hunger? Something larger than that? Or something from outside, just impacting you so much, you feel it's like you?

When the world stomps on you and leaves... what are you to do? Rebuild your world? Run after it? Stay to cry and die? Wait for a miracle? There is nothing that is not painful.Just how much we can bear before we give up, or get crushed. We wouldn't know til it happens... or til it's all too late.

Ever

Ever cried and don't know why?
Ever wondered why something so small meant so much?
Ever had the answers to them?

Dreams

I had a really weird dream last night. No i'm not going to say. But let's talk about dreams.

Ever had a dream that is so sad, and you're crying in your dream so hard that you wonder if you're crying in your sleep?
Ever had a dream that is so wonderful you wish it lasted longer?
Ever had a dream so full of something so important to you that you wish it was true?

When you wake and happen to still remember it...
Do you feel sad as it was in the dream?
Or happy as it was in the dream?
Or sad you have lost it?
Or sad because you realise that what you want is so missing from your life?
Or do you wish you can dream the same dream again?
Or wish it was real?

And after all that...
Do you wonder if your dream reflected something?
Something missing from your life?
Something you want badly?
Something that is going to happen?
Something that never will happen?
And feel like crying all over again?

I think, therefore i am

I think, therefore i am
Cogito, ergo sum

An overused phrase. But how many actually know what it means? No i'm not going to explain.

But i wonder how much of it is true? Nobody knows. Or maybe it's the other way round. What if i stop thinking... will i cease to exist. At least in soul form. Am i anywhere, anything, but a body of nothing? And no... i don't wanna try. The trouble with being able to think... is that somethings... many times you cannot control what you're thinking. For the most basic... you can't stop yourself to think of breathing when you so desperately need the breath. When it's the last one before everything is gone. And then there are the complex emotional thoughts. Don't lie and say that you can't cheat yourself into thinking that you're happy when you're absolutely not. Well.. of course some you can control. Mostly the academic ones. Things that require some sort of forming into tangible things.

And.. the trouble of not thinking? I don't know. I guess it wouldn't be as good as to be able think. For thinking IS existing.

As with all things... being able to think comes with a price.. or if you like to say, a catch. You don't always get good thoughts. Thoughts don't necessarily turn out good. Thoughts don't always lead to good outcomes.

Some kind soul's help needed

Sigh... What a way to start my blog post. I'm sorry people. But just exasperated at myself. Wondered why my blog skin is a standard blogger skin? Cuz i dunno how to change one! I've been trying. But i'm just clueless. If some kind soul sees this and wishes to help... Drop a comment. (Realise no tag board.. obviously, again i have no idea how to do it) Maybe... just maybe, one day this blog would have a brand new exciting look.

Blabbering

This is absolutely a random post. Ha.. I do this every once in a while when i decide that my blog is too dead and i have nothing much i wanna say. Mostly i try to keep my complains away from my blog. But the only thing that i cannot keep away is well, my complain of boredom. People who know me will know that i am constantly bored. I have no idea why, but this is the case. Maybe cuz in my brain everything moves really fast, and therefore everything else around it moves slowly. Theory of relativity, smart einstein. Sometimes i can be doing stuff and yet still be bored. I guess either the thing i'm doing is either mundane or just not to my liking. Other times, i'm just not doing anything and not finding something to do. Like now.

How much are Man ruled by emotion? Many of us i believe would not want to be accused of doing that. We want to be the intellectual ones. The ones that are ruled by reason. But who can deny... we do listen to our emotions. If not why are so exasperated, so angry, so sad at times? Neurones doing their job? I think it's more than that. Well.. that brings us to a philosophical question that Descartes questions? Duality in humans? Is mind and body 2 different things? This is not easy to answer. Let's try to see what i actually believe in. What we do and what we think.. is it the result of pure chemical processes in your brain? I like to believe more than that. If really it is chemical processes, then why do people different thoughts? Different processes at different times, at different levels? i wonder if chemicals are really that powerful. i like to believe that thoughts are purely individual and the body plays little or no part in it. (hmm.... pardon my ignorance on philosophy itself... i am nothing but just someone who have read a little on philosophy. Pardon my mistakes if any. But then again.. is there any wrong on philosophy itself?) Is boredom an emotion? Or a thought? We feel bored. Do we think bored? I mean boredom is like a thought, or absence of any useful thoughts. But yet it's also a feeling. So which is which? That's the thing about emotions and thoughts. They are so complicated and inter-twined. We sometimes can't tell the difference.

People who knows me also know that i like reading. I'm quite picky when i comes to reading books. Maybe i have a weird taste. I don't know. But let's talk a little about style. Everyone's writing is a little bit different form one another. You can't say for sure some one's style is identical to someone else's. Again, individuality pops up. Some styles we love some styles we hate. And everyone likes a different kind of style. (If you can group styles up) So what makes a good style? There isn't a right answer is there? Not many people actually know that i like to write. (Looking at the frequency which i blog, most of you wouldn't believe. I write more than i blog. it's a being selfish thing... i wanna keep things to myself.) I don't know what kind of a style i write in. But what i know is i write as if i'm speaking. Speaking in full phrases that is, rather than like answering questions where you go yea, yada yada yada... Of course i do tweak my writing a little, cuz not all thoughts are to be seen or heard... (another selfish thing... or maybe it's the ego) So i have no idea what my style seems to other people. But well, there's nothing much i can do about it. It's me. If i change my style to suit you, i'm not me, i'm you.

Life

The thing about life is that one day you'll be dead

That's the title of a book by David Shields. Interesting isn't it. Everyone knows that for a fact. And yet this guy has managed to put it up front to all of us. The cover of a book. (No, i haven't read the book though i intend to rather soon.)

So what do we get out of life? Life is an interesting. We get nothing out of life. We came with nothing. And we're forced to bring nothing with us. We don't know what comes after death. Something that we all wish to know. So what is life all about? A joke? Life has it's up and downs. It's not all bliss. There are many painful times. So why are living through all this? But amazingly... we treasure life so much. We want to live as long as possible. Can you convince yourself that you don't want to live? I think it's going to be hard.

Does thinking of dying makes you more or less treasure your life? Since we're going to die anyway... what's wrong with doing bad things, making others angry, making hell? You're going to die anyway. Whatever happens... you're going to lose it? But because we're going to die... it makes everything more interesting? Something you wish to hold on forever? It's all human nature i think. We have in us hope, love, moral to a certain extent, curiosity, greed... We just want more and more. That's why we live life.

What do we get out of life? The living will never know. Will the dead know? (Let's leave that for another time)

Luck

Let's talk about luck today...

Luck is an interesting factor. Something you don't see, you don't smell, you don't even feel it. I mean whenpeople say they feel lucky... How often are they correct? Luck is so elusive. When you need it most, you never have enough of it. But, you'll never don't need it. We always need it. But are we dependent on it?

I think we hope for luck. But we're not dependent on it. We like to believe in ourself, but when there is no faith left, it naturally falls to luck. Luck is also a scapegoat. Whenever something don't turn the way we like, it's bad luck.

But we can't help but want luck right?

Most people don't know how lucky they are. Haven't someone told you, 'you're soo lucky, you just don't know it!' ? I think it's true. I dunno if it's true. It's just a theory of relativity. If you compare yourself to someone worse off, you're really lucky. To compare with someone with something you want, you become unlucky. It's just lucky and unlucky at the same time. So ironic but yet so natural.

Then again, what's luck and what's fate? If you believe in luck, can you still believe in fate? If something happened and it's fate... then you're not unlucky/lucky. If you believe that something happened because you were lucky, they probably that isn't your fate? Man is just selfish. When we want it to be fate. It will be fate. If we want it to be luck, it will be luck. We will always want the better one.

But which is better?