Confusion

I'm really confused now... Just let me vent. I'm not going to tell you much. You probably know that already. I got many secrets. I keep complaining that i need to talk, but i don't.

Well... i just hate not having answers. This is so irritating. I mean.. There's so many things happening.. so many choices. I know i don't have to make them all at the same time. Not knowing were each choice is going to take me make me nervous, confused. What am i going to do? So what if I wanna do that? Will others let me? Will there be too many obstacles to handle?

Actually, every body should feel like me once in a while right? Don't you feel irritated. A little scared even? As i said before, i am never brave enough. And never will be. But i'm not scared. I'm just not brave enough to make the choice even. Without making the choice... there is no fear that comes. Just more confusion, more anticipation in vain. So many times... i run through images in my head.. instances which might happen or never happen. May they be wishful thinking, may it be the worst case scenario, may it just be a fragment of my imagination. What would they mean? What would they bring?

If only i knew. Just one answer. Even just a hint.

Love?

Today's big topic, love. I am sure all of us have felt love before. Everyone is loved. Firstly, your parents would always be loving you. Althought you may not always feel it. Well, it true. It is a consolation is this world, where at every corner there are bad things, evil things and just things that we don't like. And then there is brotherly, sisterly love. These are the kind that we always think that it is not present but we are just cheating ourselves. This goes to see, just how deep is our heart. Just how much we can hide.

Well, of course there is the all popular love. Where a guy meets a girl and mutual feelings grow. But this feeling may not always be mutual. Haven't you heard of crushes? Crushes are most commonly one sided. They normally grow only on one person. While the other doesn't feel it. Have you had a crush? I'm sure you have. Remember, don't cheat yourself.

I've cheated myself many times too. Although, i always ended up knowing that i'm cheating myself and thus leading to worse feelings. Here, i'm going to tell you one of my biggest crush. No, i'm not telling you how we met or how we went or how it ended or whatever. Just read.

Well, it never really ended. But it started. It was never known. Never. People will know i have a crush, but you'll still don't know who. Never mind. Continue. Well, it was one sided all right. But.. well, it's a learning experience. Laughable. But now... If i were to live it again, i'm sure it will be the same. Because.. i'm not brave enough. Even now, if i were to meet him again... It would still remain. The initial feelings are gone, but memories stay.

What would you do if you meet your old crush again one day? Would your feelings be revived? Or the beginning of a new kind of relationship? I wouldn't know would i? For me... Bravery would always remain an issue. Not just for this crush...